Realising this, I rummaged around the depths of my laptop and unearthed the first story we had to write for my course last year... I figure that I'll post it here as it's not too long, and is at a vaguely passable standard!
So here it is, a contemporary version of 'The Three Little Pigs':
The Three Squatters
Once upon a time there were three squatters. They all lived together in a small house that did not belong to them on the outskirts of London, where they survived by scrounging food and other essentials off of their oblivious neighbours. This happy life was to be short lived, however, and the day came when there was an ominous jangling of keys outside of the front door. The third squatter, who happened to be walking past heard the noise and realised that it was the owner of the house returning from their long break.
With a small yelp the squatter ran into the kitchen where his friends were playing cards. He quickly explained what was happening and urged them to hurry and gather their belongings so that they could leave swiftly.
A few minutes later they clambered unceremoniously out of the kitchen window and fled down the street followed only by the shriek of shock that emerged from the house as the owner saw the mess that had been left.
The squatters walked together for the rest of the day hoping to stumble upon good fortune and find a place for them to live. That day they were unsuccessful in their search. They slept that night in the shelter of a subway while people walked past and gave disapproving looks at their huddled forms.
By the time the sun rose in the morning the trio was ready to go (the only change in state was that they were now vertical instead of horizontal). They stepped out of the subway and stood blinking in the sunlight for a short while before continuing on their way. They walked for a long while, but it was late morning when the first squatter suddenly stopped and stared thoughtfully to a building to the side of the path. He called out to the other two and told them that he had found somewhere to live.
The building he was looking at turned out to be a derelict house that was surrounded by a metal fence. When the second squatter asked how he planned to live there the first replied:
‘It will be perfect! Nobody will think to bother me and I shall be able to live in peace!’ With this, he climbed over the fence and was lost to view as he entered the building whistling cheerfully.
The remaining two squatters continued walking down the street, now more motivated to discover a place of their own. By the time mid-afternoon had arrived they seemed no closer to having shelter for the night. The third squatter turned to talk to the second but suddenly realised that he was no longer walking beside him. He looked behind and saw that his companion was looking inside a building that they had just passed. When he approached he saw that what had caught his eye was a row of machines filled with copper coins that seemed to be impossibly floating off of a ledge.
‘This is where I shall live.’ The second squatter said, ‘There is money that I can live off of and shelter and good company.’
The third squatter sighed as he watched the second walk into the building. He continued walking, alone, for the rest of the afternoon until the amount of buildings around him dwindled and became further apart from each other. It was now becoming dark and he began to think that he would never find somewhere suitable to live.
The squatter slipped through a damaged wooden fence and found himself in a fairground. Curious, he walked around looking at all of the attractions which had now closed for the day. Suddenly he looked up and saw something that made his heart swell with joy. In front of him stood an impressive looking building with a sign outside saying ‘Haunted House’. He ran joyfully towards it and vaulted the barrier outside before walking inside to find a place to sleep.
‘This will be the perfect place to live.’ He said to himself. ‘There is food sold outside and nobody will think to search inside this house.’
He eventually found a secluded spot to lie down in and within a few minutes was asleep.
The next morning the first squatter was cooking some sausages on a stove that he had discovered when he heard a strange noise. It sounded like a bear growling a long way off, but before he had time to consider what a bear would be doing in London a giant iron ball smashed into the roof and knocked a shower of tiles and rubble all around. The squatter shouted in fear and ran outside where he was greeted by the sight of a large vehicle preparing for another strike at the house. Without warning, the engine suddenly cut off and the machine shuddered to a halt. Out of a door hopped a short man wearing a hard yellow hat. He began to shout angrily at the squatter who could do nothing but listen to it.
It was unfortunate for the squatter that a policeman was walking nearby who heard the shouting. He approached the man in the yellow hat and began to talk to him whilst the squatter looked on. After a few minutes the policeman came up to him and said:
‘Look here, son, I am Constable Wolfe and you are under arrest for trespassing.’
And thus the first squatter was arrested due to being to rash in his decision.
The night arrived and the second squatter climbed out from his hiding place. He drew near one of the machines that had caught his attention the previous day and peered thoughtfully at it. He took two steps back then ran and shunted it with his shoulder. There was a crash as the coins fell down into a tray underneath, but this was not the only noise as there were suddenly sirens sounding from every direction. The squatter stood helplessly until a policeman opened the door and placed some handcuffs around his wrists.
‘You’re nicked I’m afraid.’ The policeman said. ‘I am Constable Wolfe and you are coming with me.’
And thus the second squatter was arrested because of his greed.
The third squatter lived happily in the haunted house for many years living off of the food sold at the fair and getting new clothes from the dummies in the house when he needed them.
And thus the third squatter was rewarded for his patience and good planning.